I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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