the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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