I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
