I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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