I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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