I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
