nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
