I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
The air taste purple.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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