There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
