you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
The air taste purple.
Randomize
