I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
