Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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