You just made me feel so damn special
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
