Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
