I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
