so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
3pm strippers are depressing
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
