I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
