I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
