Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Four minutes until I can fart!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The ass gains better be worth it
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