Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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