she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
