Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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