this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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