He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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