I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
