I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
