I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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