Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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