Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
