We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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