Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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