I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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