i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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