I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize