I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Randomize
