I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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