one might say we're banned from that church
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
