I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
