She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
People in love make me want to vomit
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
