Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
