He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
