I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
