Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
