I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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