Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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