So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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