im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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