New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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