just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
