I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
