Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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