I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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