the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize