I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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