So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
