Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
