never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
