I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize