my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
