I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
