if you like me you must not know who I am
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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