Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm sobbing to NWA
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
