I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
