Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
