I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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