Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
