I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
