Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
